Whiskey And Whiskers

Cleveland Crack House

A former NHL enforcer lets more hands fly than a rapper on the 4th of July. And he's about to throw your ass in the shit water flood if you don't get the octopi on your team. Grab your 6L of legally distinct off-white Goose beverage and dominate the beach.

Yardstick of Zombie Dick

The date is July 4th 2053. Zombies have Rhino pills and party with Diddy. The pubes have taken over all of the urinals, but don't worry, we are pissing them away at the Costco bathroom. If you still have all of your fingers, grab a cup of coffee and take a shit at the bank. Not your bank though. Fuck that.

Inter-dimensional Fleshlight

Trump is jacking on Iran, but Kim jong un's golf game is no-cap. Liver king should be investing in DNA, but at what mile marker?

100 Cases of Twisted Tea

Hey Chat GPT, can you get me all the fights for free, and also door dash me whiskey? Big Foot pizza orders are overloading the AI mainframe. Labubu

Dick Stats

Life is short, but dicks are long if you have a big enough kite. When you go to the beach don't catch oral herpes from beer-pong. Especially when you can go fishing in-lieu of rioting. Fuck California.

Crash'n Out

700 AI MFKRs are paying to pretend to work. Brush, but don''t rinse.

Semen Retention

We're holding it in; we're blasting off. Dicks out for Harambe! 

Tax reach arounds

Put away the bluetooth baby-oil, and grab the pre-workout and Icy-Hot, cuz we're breaking the mushroom-simulation and canceling the single-tax. Drink your pussy energy drink, pussy.

Apocalypse Proof

Before injecting Butterfly DNA, Check your cybertruck for chechnyian warlords, and opt for the scrotum switch when getting your balls lowered.

Harambe vs. 100 dudes

When we're fighting gorillas, hopefully we draw the nerd-gorilla. Drink your Gator Smoothies with extra catfood, and you too can beat off in Seattle.